Counting
by CakeIsAGoodFriend
Summary: Since he left Alec, Magnus hasn't stopped counting the days. Oneshot.


**Okay. This is my first ever Mortal Instruments fanfic, so I don't know how I'll do. Although I'm prone to writing Maximum Ride fics, I just felt like writing this oneshot, so… yeah. On with the oneshot.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own the Mortal Instruments.**

There was no use in denying it. He missed Alec.

He missed everything about Alec. He missed Alec's insane paranoia that came with growing up as a Shadowhunter. He missed the horrible sweaters Alec was prone to wearing. He missed the incessant worrying Alec made over his friends. But more than anything, Magnus just missed him.

He counted the days since their break-up. A silly thing to do of course, but he couldn't help himself. It was a sort of self-torture, tallying the days since he had last spoken to Alec.

It was necessary of course. He had had to break up with Alec. There was no other option. How could he live his life with someone who had gone behind his back and considered getting rid of his immortality?

Not that immortality was something Magnus cherished, not at all. Immortality could mean less to him, for all it was worth. He had spent decades, centuries, watching time pass by him. Watching his mortal friends live, grow old, and die. Magnus had spent nights looking for ways to end his immortality, to just give it up, all for a future with Alec.

It was more of thought of the gesture. Alec hadn't gone to Magnus with his concern. Alec hadn't seen the need to ask the person in question if he, himself, wanted to give up his immortality, instead going straight to Camille. Camille, who was wanted by the Clave. Camille, who was one of the many lovers of his past. Camille, who Alec barely knew. How could Magnus forgive a boy who trusted a rogue vampire more than his own boyfriend?

Magnus wasn't stupid, though. He knew this was all partly his fault. He knew that Alec had reason to want Magnus to be mortal. He could almost see the reasoning in Alec's mind as he spoke to him. He should've seen it coming.

Alec was worried. It was such a human trait that Magnus _didn't_ see it coming. He only thought Alec's worry was over his lost _parabatai_ or his sister, who was clearly in love with a vampire. A vampire with a horrible fashion sense, at that.

In truth, the worry was over Magnus, himself. He worried over something trivial. He worried over the future. In Magnus's mind, the future was important, but the present was what really mattered. The future was indefinite; it could be changed in the blink of an eye.

Alec was not as aware of this fact, however. He wallowed in the vision of a future where he grew old and Magnus did not. Magnus didn't see such a fault in this. Why did it matter, as long as they were together? After the break-up, however, he began to see from Alec's perspective. He finally understood the worry. The constant fear of Alec moving on burned in his mind, and he couldn't help but realize that that was how Alec must've felt.

Magnus wanted Alec to move on, for he knew he would never move on himself. Magnus wanted Alec to move on because he was hopeful it would give closure to the both of them. Magnus wanted Alec to move on, despite the fact they were hopelessly in love with each other. And in the back of Magnus's mind, he knew it, too. He knew he didn't really want Alec to move on. He knew that would leave him alone in the world full of people who didn't understand how he felt.

And so he counted. He counted the endless days since the break-up. It was funny, he thought, how slowly time ticked. Magnus was used to years going by in the time someone else would assume a week had passed. But after Alec left, for once in his life, seconds ticked by mercilessly. And so the self-struggle continued.

The counting symbolized his love for Alec carrying on, even though the relationship between them was done.

It had been exactly 365 days since they had broken up. One year. Magnus still wasn't ready to stop counting.

He wasn't ready to stop counting because, somewhere in his heart, he still hoped that there would a day when he and Alec would come back together. That would be the day he would stop counting.

And he knew if it happened, he would cherish that day for the rest of his life. Immortal or not.

**So… yeah. Not my best writing, but I'm a real fan of AlecXMagnus, so please don't hate. By the way, if you couldn't tell, this took place after City of Lost Souls. Review!**

**~Cake.**


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